Lead With Love

There we sat in my office once again. It was the child’s fourth day at a new school, and he had been in my office five times. I called his family and asked if they could come into the school to meet with me.  About a week earlier, the family had moved into the area and was touring the school.  As we toured the school, they shared concerns from previous schooling experiences.  The child did not have good school experiences, and they were apprehensive yet optimistic about a fresh start. But here we were, already sitting down face to face to discuss concerns we were seeing.  I had already spoken to them on the phone on multiple occasions, but we decided it would be best to connect in person to ensure their child was getting everything he needed to be successful. 

The family was panicked and not sure of where to go next.  It had only been a few days, but they were already talking about homeschooling or online schooling because they were so frustrated with how the school experience was going for their child.  I remember affirming to them that it was still early and that we would continue to get to know the child more and things would get better.  To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure how things would go. 

I remember walking back to the child’s classroom, where I nodded for the teacher to check in with me in the hallway as I returned the child to class.  On top of our interactions with the new student, the teacher and I received emails and phone calls from other families in the classroom sharing concerns about the new student and the impact his arrival had on their child.   I asked her how things were going with the boy and what she said next gave me all the confidence in the world:  “We’re going to be okay. He just needs to know that he’s loved.” 

The next few weeks were anything but smooth, but the teacher, the classroom, and the school loved the new student. Yes, there were bumps in the road, but we navigated them together and continued moving forward.  About a month later,  I invited the family into school to learn how things were going from their perspective.  The mom said something that I will never forget and resonates with me daily.  I asked her how things were going, and she replied: “He is thriving. He’s thriving because, for the first time, he feels loved and connected.  He finally feels like he belongs and is part of something.” 

I often pause and remember what his teacher told me, “We’re going to be okay. He just needs to know that he’s loved.” And that is precisely what that teacher, classroom, and school did for the boy; they loved him.  He had experienced difficulties in previous schools, which led to a challenging start, but behind the teacher’s mindset of loving the child and fostering a classroom culture around loving him and connecting him with the class, it began to change his entire experience for the better. As Brene Brown said, “We are hardwired to connect with others. It’s what gives us purpose and meaning to our lives and without it there is suffering” (Brown, 2015).  

Insert your name into the following sentences. 

Sentence #1 -  _______________ _ was an efficient leader who always had their head down, checking off their to-do lists and finishing projects. 

Sentence #2 - _______________ was a loving leader who always had their head up, looking around to the needs of others, ready and willing to show love to the people around them. 

How about you? How do you want to be remembered? Like the leader in sentence one with their head down and focused on efficiency and project completion?  Or like the leader in sentence two with their head up showing love to those around them? Don’t get me wrong, efficiency is good, but not when it comes at the cost of missing out on the opportunity to love others. Bob Goff said, “Don’t be efficient in the way you love people - be available” (Goff, 2022). Students, staff, and families will remember feeling loved, not the day you completed your to-do list. As the mom shared in the opening story, her son was thriving because he felt loved and connected - he finally felt like he belonged. As my wife says regarding the challenges of parenting, “We just need to keep showing up and keep loving them.” The same goes for everyone we lead, keep showing up, keep loving them.

What is Love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Works Cited:

Brown Brené. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, Love, parent, and lead. Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.

Barnhart, A., Rutt J., Thomas, J. (Hosts). (2022, May 3). Generous business owners [Audio Podcast]. Apple Podcasts.